Simmons' Rules

Bill Simmons wrote and published a list of 20 rules for sports fans in February 2002. I will summarize a few now and a few later.

You can't purchase a blank jersey and put your own name on the back unless you want to be an enormous dork.

Don't wear cheap-looking replica jerseys or flimsy-looking bargain basement hats. Show some pride. (He should have specifically mentioned people who nuke their replica football jerseys in the dryer, vaporize the numbers and letters, and wear them like nothing happened).

Don't wear replica championship rings as a conversation starter. Don't carry someone's baseball card in your pocket as a conversation starter. (Kind of an esoteric rule. Everyone knows Bob Costas has always carried a Mickey Mantle card in his wallet. People expect him to at this point, and I doubt if he ever brings it up anymore. Costas should be grandfathered).

You can wear the colors of the visiting team as long as you're not obnoxious. (Simmons states he once sat in the upper deck of Yankee Stadium wearing a Sox hat, Bruins sweater, and Celtics shorts, but he was left alone because he wasn't going overboard. I think that's the epitome of going overboard. More to his point, games would be more fun to attend if everyone realized that home and away fans have the same rights at games).

If your team wins a championship, there is no limit on the amount of championship gear you buy.

Be very careful using the term "we" with your favorite team. (I think I did this when I was a kid but I can't stand to hear it now).

If your team wins a championship, you can't complain about anything related to that team for five years.

You can follow specific players on other teams, as long as they are not playing your team. Just don't go overboard with memorabilia and specifically jerseys.

It's OK to root against your team if they are hopelessly out of it so you'll get a better draft pick or you're hoping the coach or GM will get fired. (I think there has to be a long history of failure for enough bitterness to develop to make this OK. There were some Giants fans hoping they would lose this year's playoff game because they wanted Coughlin fired. Once you're labeled a fair-weather fan, you're done).

Don't boo your team unless there are similar circumstances to the previous rule, or if your talented team seems to be going through the motions and you want to wake them up. (I think booing needs to be done as infrequently as rooting against your team. I'm embarrassed for fans who boo a player when he strikes out his first three at bats then go crazy when he hits a home run in his fourth at bat. People should be following the sport on a deeper level than that. And forget about booing your hockey team as they sleepwalk through yet another power play. Your boos will be drowned out by whatever music/video has been preprogrammed).