“To Whom it may concern, Howdy. How ya doing? Yeah, I know, I should be getting on with the cover letter thing, but come on, how many of these things do you have to read a day before they all start sounding exactly the same? So, I could re-iterate all the pleasantries and self-aggrandizing comments you've seen a thousand times before in a thousand other cover letters, or I could just wing it and try a little free form. 'Kay. Here goes. My name is …, and on average I like rainy days more than summer days, and I could probably eat dumplings for every meal. Seriously, I love them. I miss the old episodes of 'Ground Force' on BBC America , the ones with Alan Titchmarch. I think that the double kiss on the cheek is secretly a French sign for loathing. I usually read around three books at the same time, which generally impresses people, but what I don't tell them is that it takes me about three pages to remember what the heck the book was about anyway. I spend way too much time on the computer, and am heavy into futurism. Yes, I like comic books. I like 15 year-old Laphroiag and English Meade, which really makes me a total nerd. And if I had a million dollars I'd buy myself a pony. Made of gold. With rockets. Please review the attached resume, and I hope to hear from you shortly.”
First, let me get the cheap joke out of the way: I wonder if this guy is heavily into the futurism of unemployment?
What I find really funny though is that theses types of people look to differentiate themselves from other applicants by trying to be funny and interesting, but there is never anything funny or interesting about them. Save it for your blog, nerd!
My friend also sent me a cover letter from an old hippie who thought he could get a programming job by bragging about working security at pop festivals with the Hells Angels, which is kind of like bragging about being on iceberg lookout for the Titanic. Apparently I’m supposed to be impressed that he went to “adult camp” with Wavy Gravy, but I’m not supposed to have heard of Altamont?
The Superbowl this year has been played up for two weeks as an opportunity to crucify either Rex Grossman or Peyton Manning. Grossman will be “the worst Superbowl quarterback ever” or Manning will be compared to other “losers” like Dan Marino and Jim Kelly. Do people ever talk like this before the World Series or the Stanley Cup Finals? It’s just part of the reason that the game doesn’t really appeal to me.
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