Mean Onion Update

My uncle got a big laugh out of the Green Onion reviews I sent him from the New York Magazine website. He pointed out a certain sense of self-entitlement by Brooklyn brownstone dwellers that somewhat mitigate the scathing reviews. From one of the reviews of the Green Onion: "The owner and her employee are rude, condescending, and seem to genuinely dislike children (an interesting quality for a children's store)." Perhaps she just dislikes the parents?

I expect that the truth lies somewhere in between. I don't doubt that a lot of the customers go in there with an arrogant attitude. And although we are only hearing one side of the story, the complaints on the New York website do seem reasonable and they are in total agreement. But who knows? It's great stuff in any case.

Labatt is moving their US headquarters to Buffalo.

"The local Labatt distributor, Try-It Distributing, says the brand's market share in the Erie Niagara region is 28 percent. That's a huge slice for an import and close to No. 1 Anheuser-Busch at 30 percent, Try-It Chairman Gene Vukelic said," as reported in the Buffalo News. I know the perfect way to celebrate.

So It Goes

YouTube music video of the week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMhKH5B0qjM

Curses

I believe in and follow a consistent set of rules that pertain to being a sports fan. Bill Simmons published an extensive and nearly perfect list of rules that I printed out and kept a number of years ago. While I don’t think that these shirts require a rule per se, I think it’s necessary to make a declaration about just how bad they are.

The first failure of shirts of this type is that they are born out of defensiveness. The Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and based on rivalry, some Yankee fans feel they need to make a response. No verbal or graphic response is sufficient compared to what is won and lost on the ballfield. This is a lame attempt to make Red Sox fans feel bad. It doesn’t work, and getting defensive makes you look bad.

Gloating over 26 world titles doesn’t work anymore, either. It’s no less impressive a feat, it’s just that it only works to anger Red Sox fans in context of The Curse. Part of The Curse is that “the Yankees always win.” That’s not true any more. I was six years old when the Yankees won the World Series in 1978. I don’t remember it. Outside of The Curse, it makes no sense for me to gloat about victories that I never experienced and that never really gave me joy on any personal level.

What makes the fact that someone would wear this shirt even more appalling is the way the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004. It required the single-greatest collapse in the history of professional sports by the Yankees themselves! You’re going to wear a shirt to make it all better, sweetie?

We have a mixed marriage in my family and we were all together for a baby shower last summer. I told my cousin’s father-in-law that since The Curse was over, the fun was gone for me. I knew since Boston won it all I couldn’t possibly say anything about the Yankees or the Sox that would bother him ever again, or at least bother him in the same way as it did when he was a cursed and tormented soul.

The Red Sox and the Yankees have been evenly matched for many years now. It seemed that Boston never won because they never really could. They weren’t supposed to. Now that there is no Curse, I’ve lost the superiority I had as a Yankee fan. The Sox have just as much a chance to win now as the Yankees do. It's been over two years, so let's face it.

On A Sunday

When I put on the CBS Sunday Morning program it’s because I’m in my Sunday morning mood and I’m looking for something to watch that won’t make me want to put my foot through the television screen. CBS Sunday Morning is a mild, slow-paced, unremarkable program that closes every week by showing non-narrated nature footage. It’s typically waterfowl. I sit there and watch sandpipers skittering along a beach or ducks splash around in a marsh, and I reflect mostly on how at that given moment I’m not rushed to do anything else. Similar to the phenomenon where one minute of silence can feel like ten minutes, usually before the end I’m asking myself, “How much more of this footage are they going to show? Are they out of their minds? Good grief, aren’t there commercials they need to air?!” The only time the show ever offended me was completely unintentional. They were doing a segment on orthodox Jew rapper Matisyahu and showed a clip of one of his fans gushing about the irony of a jewish rapper. All I remember is shouting some sort of expletive at the TV that referred to The Beastie Boys and contained a small amount of spittle.

I bring this up because this past Sunday, CBS Sunday Morning did a piece on Rosie O’Donnell, Donald Trump, celebrity feuds, and why we are all just so interested. As I’ve explained, I put on CBS Sunday Morning specifically because I’m not interested, and I was ambushed. The biggest insult was the promo for the piece ending with the cliché “Why can’t we all just get along?” Burn in hell, CBS Sunday Morning! Charles Kuralt may have led a double life, but he wouldn’t have stood for this.

Jesse James

My dad bestowed his “Legend of Jesse James” record album to me for Christmas. I remember hearing this record a lot growing up and had heard of all the musicians on it except for Levon Helm, ironically. I was surprised when I opened it to see that Levon had played the character of Jesse James. It’s very interesting to listen to now, although you can always argue whether or these type of concept albums work. You can’t argue with the cast, though. The best song is a ballad by Johnny Cash as Frank James called “Six Gun Shooting” about this young Jesse James and how Frank has never known anyone like him and can’t quite figure him out. You can listen here:

http://theband.hiof.no/albums/legend_of_jesse_james.html

Levon performed “One More Shot” at the Midnight Ramble I went to. Does anyone ever invite friends over to listen to records anymore? I think I might start.

Another Jesse James connection to my youth was the fact that Bobby Brady’s hero was Jesse James and Mr. and Mrs. Brady basically had to do an intervention to break him of it. The result was the weightiest five words ever spoken on The Brady Bunch: “Jesse James Killed My Father.” I still feel heaviness on my chest when I think of Burt Mustin saying those words, and I think either Mike or Bobby even made him repeat it.

For those who don’t know, elderly character actor Burt Mustin plays author Jethro Collins, who wrote a book about Jesse James. But as he explains, “He wasn’t a hero to me.” Mike tracks down Mr. Collins and gets him to talk to Bobby to scare him straight. It could possibly be the most ridiculous problem that the Brady’s ever faced, but at least they didn’t try to resolve it by building a house of cards. Bobby tosses and turns that night in bed with Mr. Collins’ parting shot replaying over in his head, “because that’s the kind of man Jesse James was, a mean, dirty killer… a mean, dirty killer… a mean, dirty killer.”

I always wondered if based on his age, it was possible for this man’s father to have actually been killed by Jesse James. So I did a little research. Jesse James started robbing trains in 1873 and was still robbing trains as late as 1879 and possibly right up to his death in 1882. Mr. Collins said he was too young to understand what was happening at the time, but he remembers his mother crying about it. Let’s say he was four years old when his dad was killed in 1879. That would have made the author 98 years old when the Brady Bunch episode aired in 1973. Burt Mustin himself was 89. It’s definitely plausible.

Ironically, Jesse James was killed just as he allegedly killed the elder Mr. Collins. He was shot in the back. “He was too cowardly to face him I guess…”

It’s sick that I remember so much dialog. “Mr. Collins, why don’t you explain to Bobby how it was with Jesse James and your father?” It made such an impression on me and it’s probably why I don’t look up to gangster rappers today.

Blood Makes Noise

I just donated a pint of life saving whole blood at work this morning. It's not the most pleasant experience, but it's relatively short and somebody has to do it. Why not me? I lay on the table and think about where my blood is going. It's always going to a drive-by victim. He actually needs about 15 pints of blood until he's stabilized, but I still feel like I'm helping. I always sit up a bit when it's over to get a satisfying look at my pint. It's good, nourishing stuff. I must remember though to put at least a pint back in tonight.

Harper Collins is dismantling Regan Books and will not be publishing Peter Golenbock's crap novel about Mickey Mantle after all. He says he's going to shop it elsewhere. This is the guy who wrote "Dynasty," and helped Billy Martin and Graig Nettles with their books. So in other words, I previously thought he had a pretty decent reputation. I wish him only the worst on the rest of his career.

Baby Drew is back up to his birth weight and is doing well in every other category. His first bath in the sink was last night. His first trip to Buffalo is Sunday. Driving my family of four in the car makes me very proud. May it always be such a fine experience!

Bill O'Reilly is on the Colbert Report tonight. It should be interesting, since they both say the same things but only one is serious. Dennise and I really got into The Daily Show and The Colbert Report after coming home from the hospital for some reason. I always knew it was good, but now we're looking forward to watching it. I read Jon Stewart's american history textbook in the hospital when Dennise was in labor with Syd. Maybe it's a subconcious thing? O'Reilly was still talking about his deranged issues with saying "Happy Holidays" when he was on with Regis and Kelly last week. Christmas is over, Bill. The Celebration Tree in front of the court building has long since been packed away with the menorah.

Crazy Train

A crazy train derailment happened last night about a mile from my office.

Eight cars spilled off the tracks into people's yards and off an overpass. No injuries, no hazardous materials, and no cause found yet. Look at the size of those wheels. Crazy.

Second day back at work since my nice long absence and I miss being home with my family. I got to really feel like Papa Bear, because for about a week and a half we lived like bears, hardly ever leaving the den.

Not much to say today other than I was surprised to read that Willis McGahee is facing his third paternity suit in the last 15 months. Looks like he's going to make it three for three, too. McGahee also thinks the NFL should move the Bills to Toronto. Maybe he wants his next three kids to have duel citizenship? If Willis thinks Buffalo is slow, he should try his antics in a place like New York, where Michael Strahan's embarrassing divorce proceedings were widely covered. Maybe it's time to say good riddance to an average running back. I can put masking tape on the back of my jersey. Nothing says downtrodden sports fan more than that and I think I'm game.

Drew Michael

The Mean Onion

I got some restless sleep last night now that we are a day away from delivering our second child into the world. There are only a handful of experiences like this in a lifetime, and I can count the minutes until the one tomorrow. Syd has been going to bed later and later because she has been staying home during the days. If I wasn’t back to work I’d be doing the same thing. She called me upstairs three times after I had put her to bed because she was just not tired! The third time she was less upset and was able to explain that she wasn’t “tired anymore” and wanted to get out of bed. I was able to sit with her by the nightlight and talk with her for a while. I got a little stuffed cricket that chirps from her toy box and we played with that for a little while and then went through a picture book. She was ready for bed then and I rubbed her back and that was it for the night. It meant a lot to me to have that time with her and to be able to make her feel better and get her to sleep. I know that having two children will be twice as good, but having just one was pretty nice, too!

My aunt and uncle in New York have gotten Sydney some lovely clothes from a place in Carroll Gardens called “The Green Onion.” Last night Dennise went online to check them out and discovered the most hellacious customer reviews I’ve ever read. Not even Bush and Cheney have a 100% disapproval rating. We got a really good laugh over this:

http://www.newyorkmetro.com/urr/urr.pl?rm=all_reviews&listing_id=8004&listing_type=nyml_venue_business_shopping

In searching for this page again this morning I also found a similar site where a woman decries the undisclosed “no returns for any reason” policy (only store credit, so they are keeping your money) and a mothering website where a woman complains she couldn’t breastfeed her child in the store. I am trying to find out from Mike and Amy what the deal is with this place.

Nick & Doug

I’m getting some mild enjoyment out of whatever you want to call the Nick Saban fiasco in Miami (Nick Satan, Bene-nick Arnold, and the Crimson Lied are some of the more colorful expressions I’ve read). How can you not enjoy a situation that produces a column headlined, “The anti-Shula bails out as a greasy, dishonorable coward” (Dan Le Batard, Miami Herald)? I think Pat Forde’s column on ESPN pretty much nailed it by describing how predictable it all is. As a Bills fan, the best part of this is fact that Mike Mularkey left the “unstable” Bills organization to join Miami and get screwed over by Saban a year later. I’m not sure if I’d rather have Mularkey as Dolphins head coach or unemployed.

In light of the heat being generated by this story, consider these facts from the NY Post’s Phil Mushnick: Tennessee's football program has produced 20 arrests in the last two seasons. Since 2000, at least five Division I football or basketball recruits have been charged with murder. Where is the outrage over that? These are people recruited with scholarships to attend schools where Mr. and Mrs. Taxpayer are sending their sons and daughters. I guess refer back to Pat Forde’s column explaining what it’s all about.

Pitchers and catchers report in 41 days.

http://www.springtrainingonline.com/features/reporting_dates.htm

Headline in today’s Post: “Yanks, Doug Reach Tentative Deal.” I was really hoping that the Yankees had signed a guy whose last name was “Doug,” but it turns out that “Mientkiewicz” would have taken up the whole headline so they went with the first name, hoping it would be enough of a hook to get you to read the article. Is this guy really worth the 50+ points Giambi is going to lose off his batting average by DHing? I guess the point is to keep Giambi from breaking down playing the field and to upgrade the defense. Overall it’s nice to see the Yanks dump Sheffield, and it looks like getting rid of the Big Unit could actually happen. Pitching is still a problem. I love Andy Pettite, but he’s less durable and older than he was when the Yanks let him go the first time. I’ll never forget how smug Michael Kay was when Pettite got hurt his first year in Houston, explaining how smart the Yankees were to let him go. I can only guess what he is saying now.

It’s utterly weird to contemplate the certainty that I will have a new son or daughter in less than 48 hours. And not knowing the gender feels thrilling, like a roller coaster or looking over a cliff or something. I didn’t really feel that way the first time about not knowing. And to quote the host of “Hot Probs” from the movie “Heathers:” “I need a name.” Was that guy congested, or what?

2 Plow Crew

In my little suburban enclave we have found ourselves involved in a battle between two rival forces, 2 Plow Crew and OPP. Yes, it sounds like a gang turf war from the last century. In fact, it is a controversy between the goodniks who think that snow should be removed from the streets by a plow crew of two, and those who insist in the safety, efficiency, and by nature the naughtiness of OPP, or "one person plowing."

My neighborhood apparently is one of two in our town that has been chosen as a pilot for OPP. I discovered this from a number of protest signs sponsored by our neighborhood association. I decided it was my duty to learn more, hence:

http://2plowcrew.com/

A LOT of information. The interior shots of the new plows - FABULOUS! The plowing data provided by residents - ABUNDANT! The graphic of a clenched fist that links to the labor union website - APPROPRIATE.

There seems to be a lot of worry from amateurs about how complicated the plow seems and how bad the weather gets. I imagine that these are people who panic when they have to drive their Camrys in the rain. One-person plows appear to be working in other places, and our elected officials are doing the right thing by testing it on two routes first. So I guess you would say that yes, I am down with OPP. That gives me a great idea for a lawn sign (yeah you know me!).

I will be sure to post updates on this issue in the future IF IT EVER SNOWS!

Happy New Year!

I started to get the feeling near the end of 2006 that some brightness was finally on its way. I certainly hope that is the case for us all, especially in terms of our physical and mental wellness, our ability to provide for those who need us, and how we are living out our democracy.

The wife and I decided to “ring” in the New Year differently than we had in the past (it’s always so tempting for me to say “bring in the New Year”). Our local PBS television station carried Garrison Keillor’s New Year’s Eve Special. It was special for what it included and what it did not.

Ryan Seacrest – not included! No promotions for “The Apprentice.” No personal appearances by Donald Trump promoting “The Apprentice.” No claims that I should be jealous of all the fun that people were having in Times Square. No commercials. No Mariah Carey.

One particularly cool thing that was included was Cowboy Jack Clement. I had never heard of him, but learned that he worked at Sun Studios. He wrote some songs for Johnny Cash and performed one of my favorites on the show (Guess Things Happen That Way).

Another cool thing was a rockabilly/bluegrass group called The Old Crow Medicine Show.

http://www.crowmedicine.com/

I am guilty of using the cliché “watching the ball drop” to refer to how New Year’s was spent, and am now forced to stop myself from saying it this year. I imagine I’d have mixed success explaining to people that we stayed home watching Garrison Keillor count five, four, three, two, one, and then shrug his shoulders. I do think though that the shrug hits closer to the truth for me at this point than confetti does.

Four more days until our second child is brought into this world. It’s always so strange discussing how periods of time relate to newborns. The baby will be home with us for three days before experiencing its first Friday, and will be less than twelve hours old for its first Sabres game, against the Leafs, no less! Hopefully it’s a better outcome than the Bills/Patriots fiasco that Syd experienced as a two day old.