Seven Inches

Inspired by my blog entry about the vinyl punk singles at The Record Archive, my cousin Jennifer bought me a starter 45 as well as a gift certificate for my birthday. I went back this past weekend and bought three more, since I was pretty much called out to buy some of these oddball records that I had romanticized so much. So here they are, along with my ignorant opinions, which as a member of the record-buying public I am bloody well entitled to:

Thee Cellar Dwellers
“Wonderin’ Why”
1987
Carlisle, PA
$3

Sounds like: The Byrds, The Animals

Lyric approximation:
“Don’t you know girl there’s a cloud in your head
You know girl you’d be better off dead”

Record cover: B+
Song: C-

Released on Get Hip Records, which is still in business and looks from the website that it might have more interesting stuff to offer than this rather forgettable two minute “mid-tempo garage number” as they described it.

The Tinglers
“White Boots In The Night”
Date Unknown
Webster, NY
$3

Sounds like: Spinal Tap

Lyric approximation:
“White boots in the night, mini-skirts... ooooh! They wear them so tight
They got micro stitch and leather, talking pens and bulletproof sweaters”

Record cover: A
Song: B-

Produced by Tony Gross and released on his TFI label, this song has catchiness going for it. The other lyrics have to do with psychedelic rivers, and the B Side includes a saxophone and Lou Reed-sounding vocals, so I’m not sure what The Tinglers were going for. Much like Tap, "they reside in the where-are-they-now file.”

Bizzarro Records Compilation
“Pale Incompetence”
1998
Hampshire, IL
$1

I have not been able to figure out what the hell this is. The back of the sleeve shows five songs by five bands, but the information inside is totally inconsistent. It shows graphics for different bands altogether, and whereas the back of the sleeve makes it look like Sidekick Kato does “The Ballad of Kleenex,” the inside graphic says that The Humdingers do that particular number. Plus, there aren’t even five songs on the thing. There are four songs, one short instrumental, and one track of nothing but the crackling of the needle on the vinyl. Pale Incompetence doesn’t even come close to describing this effort. If I was attacked by zombies like in “Shaun of the Dead,” I would throw this record first.

The Speed Kings
“Speedkings Ride Tonight”
2001

Sounds like: The Ramones, Motorhead

Lyric approximation:
“Cruisin up on the strip all night, keep it up till the morning light
switch blade knife, bike chain whippin’, Speed Kings ride tonight”

Record Cover: A
Song: A-

This is Marky Ramone’s band and rocks like you’d expect. With B Side “Hotrods-R-Us,” it’s pretty familiar rock territory but it sounds great and was probably a blast to see live.

I also took another chance and bought The Quitters first CD "The Quitters are King." These are local guys who play at The Bug Jar who nobody ever wants to go see with me. Sounds pretty good the first time through. A lot of two minute garage rock songs. More to come.

I have a feeling that by the time I get "White Boots In The Night"out of my head someone is going to come over wanting to hear it and I'm going to have to spin it for them. Ooooooh!