Charles Nelson Reilly

In honor of Charles Nelson Reilly, I wanted to post the picture of me and Dennise as Charles and Brett Somers at Hauer's Match Game Party. I like to think that I gave a convincing and humorous portrayal without hyperbole or parody. The first round of The Match Game was very stale, but then we broke into Hauer's liquor cabinet and started doing shots before the second taping. The one-liners, insults, and double-entendres really started to flow from then on. Speaking of taping, I think my sister used an entire tape on her camcorder filming the "episodes." I wonder if it's ever been watched.

Another funny thing about the party is that Hauer invited a bunch of his friends to be contestants, but he didn't tell them ahead of time. So they walked onto the Match Game set quite by surprise and here I am in character as CNR and I wasn't sure if I was suppose to break kayfabe or not. After a while we passed the props around and each took a turn in different roles. It was a real blast.

It was an honor to get to play Charles on The Match Game. I never understood why all the Brady kids wanted to play Dopey when they put on a production of Snow White in their backyard, but on The Match Game, there isn't even a close second to CNR.

Charles was taken from us too soon, but on the bright side I heard that he was leaving his BLANK to science.

Father Time

The Playoff Beard lasted exactly 40 days, which is about two dozen less days than I had hoped. It would have put Dr. Jack Shepherd’s future-beard to shame. I was watching the last Ducks/Red Wings game and was impressed with the beards on those guys. I think it’s a symbol of the grind that the playoffs are – the number of games, the travel, and the increasing strength of opponents as you progress round to round. For me, it was more like I had the thing every minute of the day just for the sake of the 10 hours or so of hockey I would watch every week. It definitely looks cooler on the guys on the ice than it did on me in my lame office job. Maybe it would have been different if I wasn’t the only one I knew doing it. It was really the team from 2005-06 that inspired my commitment to do it. This year’s squad wasn’t nearly as inspiring, so this may have been a one-time thing. The only other option is to do it every year, and I’ll look like Scott Niedermayer before this blessed team of mine wins anything.

I thought that LOST last night was brilliant. During the scene when The Others were approaching the dynamite tents, my heart was actually pounding. On The Sopranos during the incident with Meadow it was doing the same thing. I guess I just get wrapped up in my stories. I think Jack is such an interesting character. He does exactly what you expect based on what was established in his backstory, but he is still a very complex character. It’s like once he succeeds in leading “his people” off the island, he has no purpose. He wants Ben to live to see himself fail, but the irony is what Jack’s “success” has brought him. It’s just great stuff.

Fast-forwarding through the commercials last night during LOST, it was still pretty clear that the new offerings from ABC next season are going to suck. Like we need an entire hour devoted to that chick from Grey’s Anatomy feeling sorry for herself and sharing every personal detail and feeling with whatever passerby slows down long enough. It will be interesting to see which programs are accepted and rejected by the women that work in my office. They watch a lot of television. And I’m sure that “Dirty Sexy Money” is already on their radar.

A big old pile of mulch is scheduled to be delivered sometime during the evening today or tomorrow. Instead of socializing we decided to attack the yard on Saturday. We have decided to try for little accomplishments throughout the week and on weekends so there is always some sense of satisfaction that the house is under control It will be nice to buy some plants and get the yard in shape. Hopefully the children cooperate. I’m sure we will have one little helper ready to go.

I’ve started buying those energy-saving lightbulbs and replacing our old ones. The saving in energy and reduction in pollution is hard for me to pass up. Considering that the bulbs last about seven years, it’s a no-brainer for me. They even have three-way bulbs and they work really great. The only drawback is that you can’t use them outdoors where they could get wet, and you can’t use them on a dimmer. Our three-way bulbs never seem to work all three ways anyway.

Can’t wait for the long weekend and hoping for early dismissal tomorrow.

Almost Summer

The Buffalo Place Thursday at the Square summer concert schedule is out and people are rightly blown away by the acts that are booked for this year. This may be the best lineup yet. I’m always impressed with the quality of acts that they can bring downtown. I love how the lineup always comes out at the last minute, too. It adds so much to the drama, as if they just finalized it at the very last minute, which apparently they did. Courtesy of Buffalo Rising Online:

"I thought we had it all set three days ago... then we got a couple last minute call-ins and had to scramble. There's so much competition for booking these acts, but Thursday at the Square has made a name for itself so there are a lot of bands that want to play and will remember Buffalo when scheduling their summer tours. Thursday at the Square brings tens of thousands of people downtown, and the spinoff generates four and a half million dollars of economic impact, 3.2 million of that directly impacts the downtown core."

Son Volt and The Old 97’s are the two jaw-dropping bands on the list, but the Violent Femmes are returning again this year, and The Dirty Dozen Brass Band is playing later in the summer. Moe is good and Soul Asylum is perfectly respectable. I can’t get excited about the Dropkick Murphy’s, though. All the current Irish Rock bands sound to me like they are more Pogues-inspired in terms of the drinking rather than the songwriting.

I bought a Dirty Dozen Brass Band cassette when I was in high school because I had heard them on a Grateful Dead bootleg and saw that they had recorded a number with Elvis Costello. Not sure where that tape went, but it was The New Orleans Album.

I saw a commercial for Chemistry dot com during The Office last night, and I misinterpreted the ad I saw yesterday. Apparently people with profiles on eHarmony can get notices that no one else’s profile matches up with theirs and therefore they can’t be set up on a match. In other words, “Rejected by eHarmony.” I don’t know what I was thinking yesterday. How could there be an online dating site that caters to unhip people? They would probably sooner market Mountain Dew to non-extreme teenagers.

I know that it’s pointless to rail against American Idol, but I just have to say that the whole thing is utterly glum and depressing. The hausfraus can have it as far as I’m concerned, but every time I hear a guy talking about watching it I actually get depressed. Any guy who is discussing American Idol doesn’t have it on in the background because his wife is watching it. He is into it. American Idol is utterly soulless. It’s professional karaoke. And if you flip around your FM dial on the way into work, as a matter of course every radio station is talking about what happened the night before. Identical comments, identical calls from listeners, in every city in the country. Nobody has ever had a different opinion about anything relating to that show. Anything at all with any value or depth will generate different reactions from people. I have never heard anyone have a debate about the merits of any of the karaoke singers on Idol, but how could they? It’s like debating whether you like the burger at Fridays or the burger at Applebee’s. You can’t debate sameness. This is my idea of hell. If Chris Moltisanti is in hell right now and it truly is an Irish bar where every day is St. Patrick’s Day, I will gladly trade hells with him. I will spend eternity at Rocky Sullivan’s on St. Patrick’s Day and he can listen to the gang on Buzz radio riff on American Idol.

You Made It A Phenomenon

This is what the internet is saying about Jackie’s “Message To The Sabres:”

“(He) has more heart than any of you… a fucking 8 year old knows his shit. All of you should be ashamed of yourselves for not believing… I pray Buffalo doesn't let this kid down.”

“That kid is one heck of a believer.”

“That was like...the most heartwarming thing I’ve ever seen. So simple yet so persuasive. That kid could get me to do anything.”

“Who is that kid anyway?”

“The video was completely touching. I want to like, go have a long chat with my mom about life after viewing.”

“Kid is cute and I’m happy that he said those words.”

Play Solid Hockey One Game At A Time

When I was walking back to the garage after putting out the garbage this morning, I looked up and saw my little girl’s sweet face looking down at me out of her bedroom window and it made my day!

Even if politics bore you, you have to read this because not only does it give insight into how out of control this administration is, but it’s great drama. It reads like an episode of The Sopranos, except the Sopranos have more respect for the rule of law than the Bush administration does.

http://www.slate.com/id/2166213?nav=tap3

More shadenfreude today as the Sabres face playoff elimination tonight. Here is a remarkably detailed and well-supported argument of why Randy Moss is a bum:

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2871527

My nephew’s motivational speech to the Sabres is on YouTube and has over 1,000 hits in the past two days! I guess some blogs have linked to it and are generating a lot of traffic. I could at least do my part! I’ve added Jackie’s YouTube collection to my list of permanent links. If someone in the family was bound to be an internet rage, I’m glad that it’s him.

I saw a funny banner ad today for a dating website called Chemistry dot com. It shows this chick who looks like she’s ready to go to some trucker bar and she has “Rejected by eHarmony” stamped on her forehead and the caption is “Maybe it was the bangs?” Chemistry dot com is the “sister site” of Match dot com, so the difference has to be just pure marketing, but I think it’s pretty clever. I guess you have to differentiate yourself, and it seems like they are doing it by trying to make eHarmony seem snobby. The people on those eHarmony commercials look pretty plain to me, but it’s an interesting idea. I hope it works in Canada, because maybe Evangeline Lilly can finally find someone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9NvX-Qu_fA

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

I can’t bring myself to eulogize the Sabres just yet. The team we fell in love with last year just completely and utterly quit. No confidence, no passion, and no desire. Jim Kelley put it best in his blog, so I will leave it to him.

The first time I smiled all day was reading the comments posted on the New York Times website about Jerry Falwell dying. Here are a few of the better ones:

“He’ll be right at home down there with Strom Thurmond.”

“I only wish I could see the look on his smug, pudgy face when St. Peter sets him straight and pulls the lever on the trap door.”

“Honey, we’re having a party in the Castro tonight and all the Teletubbies are invited! Yes, the witch is dead and this is a beautiful beautiful day in the world when one of the most hateful, evil people on Earth left our planet to rot in hell. And, Jerry, we gay boys are gonna celebrate!”

“I hope a chorus of gay angels meet him at heaven’s gate and then schedule him for a lobotomy.”

“America has lost one its greatest ayatollahs.”

“He will go down in history as powerful hatemonger who used his influence to rally throngs of sheep to embrace fear, divisiveness and anti-intellectualism…kind of like Strom Thurmond, Jesse Helms and Hitler.”

I think that Pat Robertson can go next. Here is a story about his university and how its graduates are infiltrating government:

http://www.slate.com/id/2163601/

“150 graduates of Regent University (are) currently serving in this administration, as Regent's web site proclaims proudly, a huge number for a 29-year-old school. Regent estimates that "approximately one out of every six Regent alumni is employed in some form of government work." And that's precisely what its founder desired. The school's motto is "Christian Leadership To Change the World," and the world seems to be changing apace. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft teaches at Regent, and graduates have achieved senior positions in the Bush administration. The express goal is not only to tear down the wall between church and state in America (a "lie of the left," according to Robertson) but also to enmesh the two.”

I don’t have enough to be depressed about!

Winners and Losers

There are a couple of things that have me most down about the Sabres. The first is realizing how close Buffalo was to tying the series 1-1 and how completely different the world would be if they had been able to do that instead of losing both games at home. The way they played so poorly in the first game was an incredible waste. I have my answer though: I am not brilliant. Everyone knew that Buffalo was capable of allowing one short-handed and two power-play goals and sure enough they did.

The second thing that’s depressing is all this talk about wanting Daniel Alfredsson suspended. Whether he deserves it or not, it’s enough already. He’s not getting a suspension any more than Teppo did in round one for doing almost the same thing. If Buffalo doesn’t like what Alfredsson did, then maybe someone should punch him in the mouth. Better yet, win these next two games on the road.

The Rochester Knighthawks indoor lacrosse team won the championship this past weekend. Because the circus was in town, they had to play the game in Arizona instead of at the Blue Cross Arena. Waterstreet Music Hall hosted a party for fans to watch the game on television and from the report I saw on RNews, there was quite a turnout. There was an interview with one of the superfans that I wish was available on the internet. The Knighthawks apparently won the championship ten years ago, and the superfan is wearing a jersey from that winning season with the 10 year patch on it, explaining the significance of the whole thing and saying how long it’s been and how this is the best feeling in the world. And then, wait for it… the scream into the camera – woooooo! I could have watched it over and over again all day. I mean literally, because RNews runs the same thing over and over again all day. I won’t make fun of indoor lacrosse or this guy’s exuberance over it, but it was really funny. Considering the success of the Knighthawks and the Bandits, I’m obviously the one with the screw loose because happiness could be in my grasp but I don’t choose to accept it.

Weasels

There is an absolutely hilarious cartoon on Slate that provides illustration of a call that Rudy Giuliani took on his weekly radio show when he was mayor. I was also going to go into why I agree with the articles on Slate that point out why he’d make a bad president, but instead I think that we should really just enjoy this clip.

http://www.slate.com/id/2165879/

Speaking of weasels, the Ottawa series is finally upon is. This time between playoff rounds is painful. Again, it’s a bigger challenge, but no reason why Buffalo cannot win this series as well. On Monday, I said that turnovers and special teams could spell the end for Buffalo. This is what Jim Kelley said yesterday when he picked Ottawa in six games: “The Ottawa defence and especially the Ottawa special teams exploit the lone area of weakness in the Sabres game, their inability to dominate on special teams.” Am I brilliant or does everybody know this?

If Detroit wins their series, it means Hasek comes back to play either in Buffalo or Ottawa for the Cup.

I shaved my neck again yesterday morning as well as the top of my cheeks where I’ve had a few stray whiskers. My beard is really red, and in pictures when I’m wearing a cap you can assume that the hair on my head is red as well and it’s really weird. I don’t feel like I’m looking at myself. I have had the vague sense that I look like some sort of bearded actor, but I can’t come up with anybody. I got my hair cut really short yesterday, and with the red beard I see more than a little of Dr. Benton Quest looking back at me in the mirror.

On that tangent, I have been trying to find Looney Toons on Boomerang for Syd and I to watch every once in a while. Most of the kiddie shows now take such great pains to explain themselves directly to the audience and repeat things continually. With Looney Toons, Syd ends up asking a lot of questions. Actually, she asks the same question. “What’s he doing?” And usually there is a hotel detective or something similar involved in the story, and it’s tough to summarize for a little child. “If Porky and Daffy oversleep one more time, they are going to be fired!” But it’s great fun, and she enjoys it just as much as I’m sure I did. And back to Hanna-Barbera, for every great series they had like Jonny Quest and Scooby, there were probably ten utter pieces of crap, which Boomerang still airs. According to Wikipedia, there was even controversy at the time about low quality as they tried to pump out as many cartoons as possible for Saturday mornings.

LET'S

GO

BUFF

A

LO

Rice Cereal

The Buffalo News’ Alan Pergament had similar comments to mine about Brett Hull yesterday, and Jerry Sullivan has a great response to Ray Emery’s remarks about the City of Buffalo today. It isn’t enough that the Senators are in the conference finals. Emery needs interesting places to visit on his off-days. What are his priorities, exactly? Chris Drury wants to win the conference. I doubt if Drury would care if the series was played in Yellowknife.

I saw “Thank You For Smoking” recently and didn’t find it as dark or as funny as I had heard it was. And what was the deal with the Katie Holmes character getting buried at the end of the picture? The girl writes a shattering expose on the inner workings of the lobby racket and gets rewarded with a television assignment covering hurricanes from the path of the storm. The main character, Nick Naylor, is the tobacco lobbyist who is continually rewarded for his cleverness, boldness, and manipulation of people. Why isn’t Holmes’ character rewarded for doing the exact same thing? I can’t draw any other conclusion than it’s because she is a woman and slept with Nick to get the information for her story, and that makes her a bitch, and bitch needs to be punished. Everything that Holmes wrote was completely true, besides, which is more than we can say for Nick’s manipulation of the facts. For a movie that was supposed to be so smart, this was a pretty dumb ending. And sexist. David Koechner plays the firearms lobbyist, and although it’s a minor role, he’s great. He is also the guy who plays Todd Packer on “The Office.” He is also “T-Bone” on the Naked Trucker and T-Bone program on Comedy Central, which from the commercials looks unwatchable.

The boy had his first rice cereal last night, so the color of the poop in our house is about to change. He took to it slowly at first but was a maniac by the end. I knew he liked it when he chomped down on the spoon like a viper striking its prey. Eventually he was grabbing at the spoon and trying to stuff it in his mouth. He nursed for the feeding that followed and threw up quite a bit, so either he ate too much or he’s getting used to the cereal. Thankfully, he slept a lot better, so maybe we are headed for better days. For a week he’s been nursing constantly and continually unhappy, unable to sleep, and needing to be held. He went to see the doctor yesterday for a checkup (five shots!) and the doctor recommended that we start cereal. There is a video of the feeding that I expect will be released soon. It’s something to see.

Onward

While there is so much wrong with NBC’s coverage of hockey, it is easy to pick the single-worst part: Brett Hull. His rivalry with Ray Ferraro in the intermission segments is so contrived that it’s embarrassing. I understand that disagreement for its own sake, especially when it involves an outspoken former player, is the stock and trade of these types of shows, but this is definitely the lowest form.

I give Bill Clement a lot of credit for calling Hull on his biggest bit of buffoonery. Rangers Head Coach Tom Renney had claimed that the Rangers had only played their “B Game” when they lost Friday night. Clement raised the question to Hull and Ferraro whether or not the Rangers needed their “A Game” to win at home Sunday afternoon. Hull said that it didn’t matter, as long as the Rangers won. When Clement pointed out how illogical that argument was, Hull insisted that it didn’t matter if the Rangers brought their “A Game” or “B Game,” as long as they won. That is similar to saying that it doesn’t matter how well you know the material on your final exam, as long as you pass it. If I had any capacity to feel embarrassed for Hull, I would have.

At the beginning of the game, Ferraro and Clement picked Buffalo to win, while Hull picked New York. After a second period that saw Buffalo score four goals in the span of about nine minutes, the predictions were revisited during the intermission. Hull wasn’t even capable of standing by the Rangers with another period to play in what turned out to be a close game. He explained that his prediction wasn’t wrong, either, it was just a case of the Rangers not playing as well as he expected them to. It was quite simply Krameresque. “The bet is off. I decided not to do the levels.” “But that was the bet!”

For anyone who thinks that it can’t get any worse, mark my words: Jeremy Roenick is coming!

One thing in Hull’s defense, for as tired as the whole world is of hearing about the skate in the crease at this point, it’s not Hull who brings it up every single broadcast. If anyone at NBC Sports had a brain, he would tell the entire crew to can it.

I bought a 30 pack of American beer in preparation for the upcoming series against Ottawa. This has all the makings of an epic battle. Lindy Ruff has said all the right things in the 24 hours since Buffalo advanced, but I wonder if this upcoming series isn’t the one when Lindy, finally and permanently, loses his mind. He has pushed all the right buttons so far, but nobody gets to him like Ottawa does. Hopefully the positive results will continue.

I hate to say it, but Ottawa got much more out of the imbroglio after the hit on Drury than Buffalo did. Ottawa was a gutless team before this year, and the Drury incident cemented together the different makeup of the team since last year’s playoff failure. Buffalo has been really sketchy for extended periods this postseason. Bad special teams and bad turnovers will kill them against the Senators.